That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
