we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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