he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
