OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
