dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
