Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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