I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
