I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
