Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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