Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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