I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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