hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
