we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
All the doctor said was why
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
