so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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