I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
