I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
