ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
