I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
