I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
