Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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