My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
