I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
