plz talk dirty to me
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
