the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
sarcasm needs its own font
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
