I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
