I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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