I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
