Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
my poor anus
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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