My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Someone shit on the floor
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
