I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
