I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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