This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
