her facebook's as public as her vagina
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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