I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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