I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
