Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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