If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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