Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
