I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
