My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
God gave him joint rollers for hands
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
