Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
