sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Randomize
