Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
