im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
