my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
