At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
