I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
