I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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