Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
