this beer tastes like vomit already
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
two words: eviction party
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
