I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She swung at the pinata with crutches
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
